Aloha Healings 11/18/2015

first quarter moon ‘Ole Kû Kolu
Welehu 18

We took the boys to the beach the other weekend. Beautiful, warm fall day with no crowds. While watching the surfers, thoughts of jealousy arose. “I could have surfed that wave better.” “Why are claiming that wave, you didn’t do anything?”

I realized that these thoughts were spoiling a beautiful day with my family. Just then, I saw my youngest son running up the beach away from a breaking wave, screaming his lungs out with joy. I couldn’t help but smile.

I decided to step into sympathetic joy with everyone and everything around me. I felt the freedom and thrill of the seagulls skimming the water. I experienced the beginner’s mind of surfers learning how to stand up and turn their longboards. Suddenly, everything became a launching pad for joy and excitement.

Later, I made an intention to only have two responses to any interaction with another sentient being–sympathetic joy or compassion.

I have been practicing this new form of relationship with others for over a week now, and I am amazed at how wonderful, peaceful, and intimate life has become. When someone is rude to me, I step into compassion for their suffering. When someone is overjoyed, I share their jubilation. I can’t think of a better way to go through life.

I noticed that our shitzu, Skye, lives life like this. When one of my sons is crying or whining, Skye howls sympathetically. When we are laughing or excited, Skye barks or runs around in circles feeding off our joy.


Skye reminds me of a poem that has been circulating around mindfulness circles:

If you can sit quietly after difficult news…

If in financial downturns you remain perfectly calm…

If you see your neighbors travel to favorite places without a tinge of jealousy…

If you can happily eat whatever is put on your plate…

If you can love everyone around you unconditionally…

If you can always find contentment just where you are…

You are probably..

A dog.


Been really enjoying the combinations of veggies that I have been experimenting with. I bought some sauerkraut and made some veggie fajita and sauerkraut sushi the other day. I also made some yummy kale, red pepper, and black bean quinoa that I wrapped in lettuce leaves.


Everyday I seem to be getting stronger and stronger. In my morning movements I do a kind of chair pose called “punahou” (young spring). I have been holding this pose longer and longer every week.

A friend gave me a hug over the weekend and said that even though I haven’t gained any weight, my body has a different “texture.” He said that when I first started the juicing, fasting, and eating an all-vegetable diet, he got frightened when he hugged me because I was so skinny and frail. Now he feels strength and health when he hugs me.


Practicing mudita (sympathetic joy) and karunâ (compassion) has done wonder for all my relationships. Even while listening to the breaking reports about the terrorist attacks in Paris, all I could feel was compassion for both the victims and the attackers.


Had an interesting moment when I saw lots of tiny stars all around while sitting in the break room at work. My father-in-law said that is what chi looks like, but I’ve never experienced it indoors before.

Kūkae (BM)


7:30 AM Extra large BM (maybe biggest ever) BS

11 AM Med/Small BM

4:30 PM Small BM BS brown


8 PM small BM BS


12 AM tiny BS

6:30 AM BS

9:10 AM Small BM BS

10 AM Tiny BS

12 PM Tiny BS

6:30 PM BS

8 PM BS Small BM




6:30 PM BS Small BM

8 AM Large BM BS

10 AM Large BM little B

1 PM Med BM BS




6:30 AM Blood and sediment with small BM

7:30 AM Large BM BS

9 AM Large BM

2:20 PM Blood

6:30 PM BS

7:30 PM Blood and Sediment.with small BM


Lost data card


6 AM BS Large BM

8:30 AM Watery small BM


9:00 PM BS


7 AM Tiny BS Med/Lrg BM

8:40 AM BS brown

9:30 AM BS brown




8:40 AM Med BM

1 PM Med BM

6 PM small BM BS


9:30 PM BS


6:30 AM BS Small BM

7:30 AM BS Small BM

5:20 PM BS

9:30 PM BS Small BM


6 AM tiny BS Med BM

8 AM Lrg BM

10:11 AM Med BM

12:45 PM Med/Lrg BM tiny B

2 PM Small BM

3:30 PM Small/Med BM


10 PM BS

11 PM BS



6:15 AM BS

7:15 AM BS Large BM

9:10 AM Small/Med BM Little BS

6:30 PM BS

7:30 PM BS

8:30 PM BS

10 PM BS


3:30 AM BS

6:30 AM Tiny BS Large BM

7 AM Large BM

8:30 AM Small BM

9 AM Sm/Med BM

9:40 AM Small BM

3:20 PM tiny tiny sediment



Cancer and Judgment

moon Kâloa Pau
‘Ikuwâ 6

To many patients, cancer feels like a death sentence. Receiving a death sentence implies that one has been judged. I experienced cancer as a judgment, especially considering I don’t meet any of the risk factors for the type of cancer I was diagnosed with.

If I had gotten skin cancer, that would make sense. I spent decades surfing in the sun, and I grew up before sunscreen was available. But colorectal cancer comes out of left field. I don’t smoke, drink, eat meat or fast food, and have relatively little stress. In addition, I have done numerous colon cleanses, cleansing fasts, and eaten oatmeal for breakfast for over 30 years.

When I explained this to my oncologist, he said, “Sometimes you just get unlucky.” In my experience, luck has very little to do with anything, so I started to see this dis-ease as a judgment. Why would the Universe, God, or my body send me cancer?

In order to answer this question, I had to become aware of how I judge others. I used to constantly judge anyone in my presence. I would judge their athletic ability, intelligence, integrity, looks, and value.

The best example I can give are the thoughts I think while driving. If someone is not turning right at a red light, I usually assume that they don’t know the laws; are too timid to drive in America; are waiting to cross three lanes when they should just turn into the right lane then merge left once they are out of my way; or are just complete idiots. I constantly judge other drivers based on how fast they are going, how long they wait at stop lights, what kind of car they are driving, or what race, gender, and class they look like they belong to.

I assume that Mercedes and BMW drivers are going to be selfish in all their driving choices. I silently accuse drivers with Asian trinkets hanging from their rear view mirrors of being dangerous and untrustworthy (even though I’m Asian). I usually view women drivers as inferior, especially older Asian women, even though my mom is a very good driver.

This is just while I’m cruising down the road. When I enter any social situation, I start judging everyone and everything incessantly. Even in spiritual circles, I tend to think, “That person is such a hypocrite” or “they think they are enlightened, but they have so much ego.”

Luckily, one of the prayers I say every morning is the St. Francis Prayer: “…Oh Divine Master grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console; to be understood, as to understand; to be loved, as to love. For it is in giving that we receive, pardoning that we are pardoned, and dying that we are born into eternal life.”

One morning, I understood that in order to pardon myself from this death sentence of cancer, I had to start pardoning others. I saw how the line “it is in giving that we receive” doesn’t just mean that we should give charitably, but also that we reap what we sow. If I constantly judge others negatively, then I, too, will be judged.

When I made a conscious effort to stop judging others, I felt my heart open. I had more compassion for those who were suffering so much that they felt the need to try to make me suffer. I also stopped judging myself for things I’ve done in the past or for judging others in the present.

When I dropped judgment, I lost the need to compare myself with others. I didn’t need to be more intelligent, more awakened, or more equanimous than others. Losing judgment helped me realize our connectedness. When I stopped trying to differentiate myself from others through judgment, I started to experience what Thich Nhat Hanh calls our fundamental “inter-being.”

At a recent fundraiser for Cancer Commons, I met a Maori man who told me “the only judgment we will experience is us judging ourselves on how we treated others.” If this is true, then this cancer diagnosis is me judging myself on how I treated others. The last few months have been a wake-up call to start treating others better.

The less I judge others and treat them with respect, the more I sense into the healing of my body, my relationships, and my spirit. From this perspective, what happens with the dis-ease in my intestinal track is of little consequence.

After a two hour intimate talk with my mother in which I released many judgments and resentments about her parenting decisions, she said to me, “I hope all this turns out well for you.”

“It already has, Mom,” I said with a smile.


Really enjoying my farmer’s market “organic” salads.I asked one of the farmers today at the market why she was not certified organic. She said that her husband uses compost to fertilize which is not certified organic. She also said that many organic farms use fertilizer and pesticide, but they are “organic” fertilizer and pesticide which often can be more toxic than non-organic. I also learned that farmers have to pay to fly the “organic” flag. She is a small farmer, so she refuses to pay.

Another farmer who has amazing walnuts said that the walnuts are organic since the only thing he does is water them, but he can’t call them organic because his grapes are not organic. A farm can’t be part organic and part non-organic.

I used to think that the organic stamp of approval was golden, but now I realize that “home grown” can often be more natural and healthy than certified organic. The lemons my mom grows are not organic, but I wouldn’t trade them for any lemon at Whole Foods.


Did more barefoot hiking with my dear friend, Oliver. Amazing how the ground changes texture after a good rain. You would think that it would be softer, but it was actually really rocky since a lot of the dust and fine sediment was washed away. We did find some nice soft, cool damp spots though. Life is amazing in its variety and diversity when we open ourselves up to it.


As you can see above, I’ve been trying to heal relationships with everyone by not judging so much. I’m experiencing so much more peace moment to moment.


It rained, so I did my prayers on an astroturf welcome mat on the balcony. Although it wasn’t as pure as in the park, it still felt good to feel the temperature and smell the rainy air. I realized that being outside is key, even if I am on the balcony.

Kūkae (BM)


6:30 AM small/medium BM

8 AM Small BM with no blood

9:15 AM Large BM

10:30 Large BM little blood

2 PM Medium BM little blood

9 PM sediment


1:30 AM Sediment

6:30 AM Blood and sediment. Small BM

7:28 AM Large BM tiny Blood and Sediment

9:45 AM Medium BM no blood

2:40 PM Tiny Sediment

10:00 PM Blood and Sediment.


5:30 PM Blood and sediment

7 AM Blood and sediment with medium BM

8:20 AM Medium BM Tiny Blood

9:30 AM Tiny Sediment

10:40 AM Small blood and sediment

2:30 PM Blood and sediment

9 PM Blood and sediment auburn


6:40 AM Blood and sediment with small BM

8:15 AM Medium BM w/blood and sediment

10:00 AM Small BM w/blood and sediment

3:30 PM Blood and sediment

5:30 PM Blood and sediment

6 PM Blood and Sediment.with small BM


2 AM Tiny Blood and Sediment.

7:30 AM Blood and Sediment.

8:10 AM Small BM w/Blood and sediment

9:15 AM Blood and sediment–Brown

2 PM Blood and sediment

8:00 PM Large amount of blood and sediment

Aloha Healing 11/1/2015

moon_day_WanG_65 ‘Ole Kû Kahi
‘Ikuwâ 1

I’ve added two new treatments to my protocol. I’m taking hemp seeds and cannabis oil, as well as incorporating Frankincense Oil. I eat the hemp seed and cannabis oil, while I put the Frankincense on my skin with a new lotion I made out of coconut oil, vitamin E, and Frankincense.

A friend asked me how I will know what treatment cured the cancer since I am doing so many. This got me thinking. I’m not really focused on curing anything. To use a common analogy, cancer is like a “check engine” warning light in a car. You don’t try to disconnect the light to fix the problem; instead you do a systemic overhaul.

Dr. Arun Sharma [whose services were gifted to me by two incredible friends whom I have never met, Nisha and Ragu] guided me towards this path when I first got diagnosed:  “Our approach is to improve your overall health to such an extent that no dis-ease remains there. Disease is just a diminution of health and it vanishes as you improve health. So all therapies which are oriented with a consideration of fighting cancer or curing cancer are not taken in our system.”

From this perspective, cancer is a gift in the same way a functioning warning light is a gift. They both give you some advance notice to fix some deep lying issues that could cause a total breakdown.

Here are some of the gifts cancer has already given me:

  • Getting in touch with nature, ‘âina,aumakua, kûpuna, and my body.
  • Juicing raw vegetables every morning with a juicer gifted to me by a dear friend, Mitch McCoy
  • coconut water gifted to me by the thoughtful Mehta family
  • mangosteen juice gifted to me by Auntie Sandy Wong
  • moringa oleifera gifted to me by my dear friend, Oliver Bock
  • Protandim
  • Kangen Water gifted to me by my loving cousin in Hawaii, Marie Imanaka
  • Taking all the chemicals out of my life–water, processed foods, shampoo, toothpaste, lotion, soap, cell phones
  • Taking all the refined sugar out of my diet–I knew this was something I needed to do, but I never thought I could do it. Within 2 weeks of the diagnosis, I was sugar-free. “Free at last, free at last…”
  • Motivation to do morning prayers and movements on a regular basis.+ All the sunrises I have witnessed doing my prayers
  • Powerful experiences in gift ecology. Watching all the different forms of capital manifest whenever and wherever I need them.
  • The invitation to just love everything and everyone gifted by being in the presence of Jayeshbhai Patel
  • Healing deep scars with my parents, my ancestors, my family, and myself.
  • Embodying the first chakra, na’au, perineum, and ‘ôkole.
  • Learning to live “faith and patience” on a daily basis
  • Realizing the importance of ‘olu’olu (gentleness) with myself, my body, my sons, my loved ones, difficult others, and complete strangers.
  • Barefoot hiking and all the lessons the land is teaching me from the feet up.

The amazing thing about all these gifts is that I will continue to practice/receive them regardless what the dis-ease does. A malignant tumor has gifted me a change of lifestyle, diet, perspective, and heart. I can honestly say that I am filled with gratitude for everything that cancer has given me.


Ate a lot of Chipotle salads lately since it was Halloween and I had to get food a number of times on the run. Otherwise, I’m really enjoying my raw foods diet.


Went surfing with my cousins, Mitch and Mathew. I had one of the best sessions I’ve had in years. On one long wave, I felt like I was surfing as well as I did in the late 90s. What followed was a flood of thoughts around my identity as a surfer:

“I could be one of the best surfers out here if I started going on a regular basis.”

“That guy thinks he’s good, but he doesn’t know how to use his inside rail.”

surfing with MitchWhen we got back to the car, we started talking to the father and son parked next to us. The father proceeded to go off on how he’d been surfing since the early 80s. He went on and on about board design and how he surfed the same board in 2 feet to 15 feet waves. At one point, he said, “You guys should check out a surf spot called 26th Avenue. It’s a great spot for you.”

Part of me wanted to tell him that I’d been surfing 26th Ave. since 1981, but I stayed quiet.

When we drove off, my cousin said, “He was a nice guy.” Although part of me wanted to question why he felt the need to assume a position of expertise when he clearly wasn’t  a very good surfer, I had to agree with Mitch–he was a nice guy.

Right before I met my cousins to drive over the hill to the beach, I had been listening to an Adyashanti cd where he talks about how he had been attached to his identity as a world-class cyclist. At one point, he got a 6 month debilitating illness that left him “weak as a puppy.” He felt relieved that he didn’t have to maintain the strenuous identity of a cyclist, but when he started getting his health back, he found himself “training” again, as if he were heading to the Olympics.

Life then sent Adyashanti another debilitating disease. I took this as a sign and started to give up all my attachments to my identity as a surfer. When I think about it, what lies at the core of needing to be seen as a good surfer or a world-class cyclist  is a forgetting of who we really are.

When I step into lôkahi (unity/unbrokenness), I don’t need to be anyone special or prove myself to others because we are all one. We are all the sinner and the saint. We are the Buddha and the CEO. Or as Jayeshbhai puts it, “I want to see everyone as myself. I want to see myself in everyone.”


Had a great weekend with the boys. We are learning to accommodate each other on our needs. I felt like I was able to take care of what I needed to do while also allowing them to get their needs met. They even helped do chores around the house before I took them to Bass Pro Shops (my older son loves fishing) and the movies.


Did my prayers before I jumped in the ocean to go surfing. I also asked the ocean permission to enter and waited for a sign. A wave slammed the breakwall. It didn’t get me wet, but saltwater caressed my feet and pulled me toward the ocean. I took this as a sign and ran out as the sea receded. I then proceeded to catch three nice waves one right after another.

Everyday I experience the importance of including nature in my prayers and practices. Doing my prayers barefoot in the park is getting more challenging with the colder/wet weather, but I can’t imagine saying my prayers in the house anymore. We’ll see what happens when the El Nino storms start rolling in.

Kūkae (BM)


7:00 AM Sediment no blood

7:29 AM Small BM with blood and sediment


12:30 AM Blood and lots of sediment.

6:40 AM Blood and sediment. Small BM

7:28 AM Medium/Large BM little or no blood

8:30 AM Medium/Large BM no blood

6:30 PM Sediment

10:40 PM Blood and Sediment.brown in color


11:30 PM Blood and sediment

6:15 AM Blood and sediment with small BM

7:15 AM Blood and sediment with medium BM

1:30 PM Sediment Auburn in color

3:30 PM Small BM with blood and sediment

6 PM Small BM with blood and sediment

9 PM Blood and sediment auburn


6:30 AM Blood and sediment with dark small BM

8:40 AM Sediment and small BM

10:40 AM Tiny sediment auburn

7:40 PM Sediment with small BM

8:30 PM Blood and Sediment.with small BM


6:10 AM Blood and Sediment.

7:00 AM Blood and Sediment.with medium BM

5:30 PM Blood and sediment

8:20 PM Huge BM with blood and sediment


1:11 AM Large BM

6:30 AM Sediment auburn

9:30 AM small BM

3:30 PM Blood and sediment auburn

5 PM Blood and sediment

6 PM Blood and sediment

6:30 PM Blood and sediment

7:40 PM Blood and sediment

Aloha Healings 10/26/2015

moon Hoku
‘Ikuwâ 26

At this week’s Meditation Circle, I was fortunate enough to spend some quality time with a man whom I, and many others, consider a living saint, Jayesh Patel. As he sat down to eat, Nipun Mehta introduced me, telling him about my recent cancer diagnosis and how I had decided to refuse conventional treatment and pursue more natural and spiritual forms of healing.

Jayeshbhai immediately began rubbing my back. In Hawaii we call this ‘olu ‘olu—roughly translated as gentleness, but more accurately described by Auntie Pilahi Paki as to treat others like you would a baby. All night, I watched Jayeshbhai ‘olu’olu everyone he encountered. He patted the tops of their heads hugged them, squeezed their hands and arms, rubbed the backs of their scalps, and just loved them like a mother loves a newborn.

Jayeshbhai turned to me and without a touch of pity or fear said, “the natural man uses nature to heal, and if he doesn’t heal then he accepts it is the will of God.” {I’m recreating all these quotations from memory, so I apologize if I misquote anyone or anything.] This one sentence encapsulated everything I’ve been sensing into since I got the pathology report two months ago.

He told me about how this was my path and how I could use it to send ripples of peace and healing to others. Then he looked deep in my eyes and said, “But you must have faith and patience.” To tell the truth, I had been getting a bit impatient recently and even had some lapses of faith, so these words struck a chord deep inside me.

Earlier in the evening, Jayeshbhai shared with the circle that he wants to create a movement, not a campaign. Campaigns have a beginning and an end. Movements never end. There is no exit strategy in a movement. I realized that my journey with cancer is a movement. There is no end—no cure. There is only loving what is, consistently, persistently.

I told Jayeshbhai that I admired how he deeply connected with everyone he met. He replied, “I just want to see everyone as myself. I want to see myself in everyone. I want to experience everyone’s darshan.” He smiled and said how simple life is—just love, everyone and everything.

“You don’t fight cancer; you love it,” he offered. I replied, “Yeah, I want to have darshan with cancer.” We laughed.

Parveen came by and Jayeshbhai spoke to him in their native tongue. Parveen translated for me:

“Our parents decide to give birth to us, but no one decides when we die. It is in the hands of nature. It is nothing to fear. It is just nature.”

“You can be the example of equanimity for everyone to see. We all sit in meditation trying to cultivate equanimity, but you can show us what equanimity looks like with how you deal with your journey.”

Before I left, Jayeshbhai gave me the sweetest hug. He put his head in my chest and just held me. I wanted to kiss the top of his head—like you kiss an infant’s head when they fall asleep in your arms.

In the short time I got to spend with this saint, he shared so much love, understanding, wisdom, care, and gentleness with me that I felt like I had just gotten some radical new high-tech treatment. But it wasn’t radical. It wasn’t new. And it wasn’t high-tech. It was just love.


I had breakfast with my brother’s ex-wife who is visiting from Ireland. I asked her how people in Ireland get their vitamin D, since there is not much sunshine. She said that when she was a kid, her mom used to make her swallow cod liver oil. Now she feeds her 5 year old daughter this oil during the winter months. I laughed, because I’m taking cod liver oil supplements to get my vitamin D3.


Doing my morning prayers every morning, but I missed a few movements and qigong walks. Today, I did the full program and barefoot hiking with my friend Oliver. I feel so much better when I do the full program.


Had brunch with my mom, step-dad, brothers, Aunty and Uncle, and my brother’s ex-wife. It was wonderful. No bad vibes anywhere.


Everything in my life seems to be here to teach me “faith and patience.” In the face of anything and everything, I’m trying to maintain faith and patience.

My friend, Michael Brabant, sent me a Reginald Ray guided meditation on the perineum. “In the Toltec tradition, the perineum is said to be the place in the body where the most fundamental, primordial reality of this world is located…When we work with the perineum, we are working with the most fundamental depth of the earth. The perineum is actually the gateway to the earth in its most deepest aspect.”

This resonates with me since the tumor the doctors found is right above the perineum. I feel like I am being asked to get in touch with the most fundamental, primordial reality. I’m also being invited to reconnect with the ‘âina or earth. All my exploration of Hawaiian spirituality leads me to focus on my na’au (guts including the perineum) and the ‘âina.

In this guided mediation, Ray emphasizes the simultaneous interaction between the earth, the breath, and the perineum. When I breath into my perineum, I feel like I am healing both my na’au and the ‘âina. In Hawaian, the word “na’auao” means “the enlightened mind.” So the na’au is a gateway to fundamental reality or enlightenment, as well.

Kūkae (BM)

The bleeding is definitely tapering off. I’m having movements of sediment with no blood. I’m also having the largest BMs in terms of size that I have had in 12 months. I am sensing into the tumor becoming inconsequential or non-existent.


7:10 AM Blood and sediment. Medium BM

7:50 AM Medium BM

3 PM Medium BM

5 PM Sediment and blood.

6 PM Sediment

6:20 PM Blood and sediment


4:30 AM Blood and Sediment.

7:10 AM Blood and lots of sediment. Medium BM

8:10 AM Medium BM no blood

9:45 AM Large BM no blood

3 PM Small BM w/ little blood

6 PM Blood and Sediment.

10/23 and 10/24

Blood and sediment throughout the day with very little BMs.


6:30 AM Tiny Blood and sediment

8 AM Sediment with no/blood

10 AM Sediment with small BM

10:30 AM Sediment

7 PM Blood and sediment with small BM

10 PM Blood and Sediment.


2:30 AM Blood and Sediment.

7:30 AM Tiny Blood and Sediment.

8 AM Medium BM with blood

11:30 AM Huge Long BM no blood

3:30 PM Large BM no blood


Aloha Healings 10/20/2015

waxing Gibbous `Ole Kū Kolu
‘Ikuwâ 20

After a long conversation with a family member, I realized how much of a burden I have been on my family. From the loss of my job to embracing gift ecology to the cancer diagnosis, I have been a financial and emotional albatross for many of my loved ones.

I used to get upset with others when they treated me in ways that I perceived as insensitive. “Don’t you know that I have cancer?” I would think or say under my breath. Now I see that I have drained the emotional gas tanks of many of those around me. I am trying to deepen into my practice of akahai–kindness or dealing with others as if I were wearing white gloves, so I don’t stain, damage, or hurt them.

I have even had the thought that it would be better for everyone if I just died. I have a fairly large life insurance policy and all those who are anxious about my alternative treatments would be able to relax and say, “I told him to get the chemo, radiation, and surgery.” I know this is literally a “deadly thought,” but it has arisen.

The flip side is that I need to live a long life to make up for all the heartache and pain I have caused.

I also think about all the people I have met since my unemployment. For them, I have been a positive influence. I have continued to find the silver lining even in very dark skies.

I guess the lesson is that we don’t have any control over others feelings and emotions. We can only shine our light as authentically as possible. Some will react to this light as a threat, while others will see it as an invitation. Some may blame you for their stress or distress. Others may thank you for their joy and happiness. I constantly remind myself of the Ho`oponopono teaching that I am 100% responsible for whatever arises in my life.

The Ho`oponopono prayer covers all of the thoughts above: “I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you.” Those four statements clear all relational trespasses and forge bridges of lōkahi–unity, connectedness, unbrokenness. I guess I’m being asked to deepen into this prayer. I’m also reminded of what the angels told me during my Reiki session with Giovanni: “Don’t give up; you know better.”


Got off the turtle soup. Funny story–the night before I started drinking the soup, my sons were watching the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movie. In the movie, the bad guys are after the turtles to extract their blood which has powerful healing properties. I saw this as a sign, so I started drinking the soft-shell turtle soup.

After 2 days of profuse bleeding, I decided to stop. I realized that the real message was NOT to eat the turtles even if they have healing properties. My qigong master told me that the reason why I couldn’t just get soft-shell turtle powder at the herb store is because due to the rising economy in China, there is a shortage of soft-shell turtles. So the herb sellers are collecting the shells of turtles that have already been eaten to make the medicine. Seems to me that soft-shell turtles are heading for extinction, so I’m not going to participate in this slaughter, even if it means that I have to forgo the powerful medicinal properties.

Without the turtle, I have been pretty much raw, except for my morning oatmeal. I have also started drinking water from young coconuts. I also eat some of the meat from the coconut.


After the fatigue from the turtles, I started my morning prayers and movements again. I’m finding deep healing in both the movements and the vibrations of the prayers.

Did 5 minutes of straight laughing with my men’s group last night. It felt great. Laughter is great medicine.


As you can see above, I’ve been trying to empathize with those around me. It is a fine line to empathize while taking full responsibility of everything that arises in my field. The key seems to be not taking on the emotional baggage of others while trying to serve them.


Went to a memorial service for Trude Bock, the woman I used to do hospice care for. On the morning she passed, I decided to learn a Hawaiian chant called “E ala E.” Part of me felt like I should be spending quality time with Trude, but the night before I talked to another care giver and we agreed that Trude could live another year.

When I heard that she passed an hour after I left, I felt guilty  that I had not attended to her more that morning. But the Hawaiian prayer seemed almost God-sent: “Rise up/Awaken. The sun in the east. From the ocean, the deep ocean. Climbing to  heaven, the highest heaven. In the east, there is the sun. Arise/Awaken.” I chanted the prayer at Trude’s burial.

After the memorial service, I hopped in my car and the first song that came on was Kaukahi’s “E ala E”–a musical version of the prayer. It felt like Trude was talking to me or hugging me.

Also at the memorial service, I reconnected with another caretaker named Benedicta. When I told her about my diagnosis, she said to look at ways I haven’t forgiven myself. I sense there is something powerful there, but I’m not sure what I’m still holding against myself.

Kūkae (BM)

I seem to be alternating between days of cleansing out my colon and smaller BM days that consist of blood and sediment.


7 AM Blood and sediment

8 AM Medium BM w/blood

9:10 AM Large BM w/little blood

4 PM Sediment and blood with small BM

7 PM Small BM lots of blood

8 PM Blood and sediment


7 AM Blood and lots of sediment

8 AM Large/medium BM w/blood

11 AM Large BM w/little to no blood

4 PM Small BM w/blood


7 AM Blood and sediment

10 AM small BM

1:30 PM Blood and sediment

5:20 PM Blood and sediment

8:30 PM Blood and sediment


2:30 AM Blood and sediment

7:44 AM Tiny Blood and sediment

8:10 AM Blood and sediment with small BM

10 AM Blood and sediment with small BM

6 PM Blood and sediment


7:10 AM Blood and sediment with large BM

9:30 AM Huge BM with no blood


6:30 AM Blood and sediment

8:10 AM Medium BM Blood and sediment

8:40 AM Medium BM little blood

3 PM Sediment

9:45 PM lots of Blood and sediment

Aloha Healing 10/13/2015

moon Hoaka
‘Ikuwâ 13

Took a blood test the other day and got the results back. My carcinoembryonic antigen (CEA) numbers have dropped from 1.8 to 1.5. My white blood cell numbers have risen back to normal, although my red blood cell numbers are low–understandable with all the anal bleeding.

When I asked my doctor about the numbers, he emailed, “CEA is not specific and usually not elevated in rectal cancer. You will be misled by following that number.” This kind of puzzles me because if CEA is “usually not elevated in rectal cancer” then why did he order the test? I had a special vial of blood extracted just to test CEA levels.

Another doctor emailed me and said, “CEA is a diagnostic/prognostic marker of significance. Testing for CEA levels is done routinely, and especially before and after treatment, such as surgery and chemotherapy.” Couldn’t we use CEA levels to monitor other treatments like mangosteen, protandim, raw foods, turtle soup, ho’oponopono, carrot juice, juicing, Aloha, and sunshine?

I’m not sure what to make of the test results, but I feel like the doctors aren’t sure what to make of them either. The difference is that the doctors ordered the test. What is the purpose of ordering a test that is “not specific and usually not elevated in rectal cancer”?

What these tests tells me is that the dis-ease is not spreading. My immune system is getting stronger as shown by the rising white blood cell count. The dropping level of CEA and the normal levels of Alkaline Phosphatase indicate that the liver has not been invaded.

The first doctor concluded, “As a physician, concerned about you, I have to refer you to oncology for the treatment for cancer. Other things do not help.” Other things besides oncology do not help. Interesting. Do I want to trust an opinion that does not believe that anything but oncology can heal the body?

This reminds me of a couple of sayings:

“When certainty comes in the door, curiosity goes out the window.”

“True ignorance is not not knowing something; it is not knowing that you don’t know something.”

I’m becoming more and more suspicious of allopathic medicine. To continue the used car salesman analogy, it is like asking about different cars on the lot and the salesman always bringing you back to the same car.


I told my qigong master that I couldn’t stomach the turtle soup, so he gave me some more herbs to add, so I tried the soup again. It has been giving me restless sleep and vivid dreams. Yesterday, I had pretty intense fatigue, and today, I haven’t had a bowel movement. I’m going to try the soup for one more night and see how it goes.


Even with fatigue, I’m finding that doing morning prayers and movements. I also have been doing about 20 minutes of qigong walking. My qigong master wants me doing 2 hours per day, but I don’t think he realizes that I work and have kids.


Feeling really good about relationships especially since I’ve been using the barefoot walking practice with everyone around me.

I also have been asking myself, “who do you become when things don’t go your way?” I try to be the same loving, accepting, and equanimous self when things don’t go my way.


Feeling very good about prayers and alignment with spirit.

Kūkae (BM)

I seem to be alternating between days of cleansing out my colon and smaller BM days that consist of blood and sediment.


12:30 AM blood with heavy sediment

2:30 AM blood with heavy sediment

8:30 AM sediment coagulated

12 PM sediment


6 AM blood sediment followed by large BM in shape and quanity

10 AM Huge BM little to no blood

11 AM residue small liquid BM no blood

5 PM blood sediment

6 PM blood sediment


6 AM Large blood sediment

8:20 Medium BM little to no blood

7 PM Blood and lots of sediment


11 AM Huge BM with little to no blood

6 PM blood and sediment


small blood and sediment throughout the day. No BM.

Aloha Healing 10/09/2015

waning moon Lono
Māhoe Hope 9

I went on a walk with my dear friend Oliver Bock at Rancho San Antonio Open Space Preserve. In the parking lot, we decided to do our normal hike barefooted in order to get in touch with the ‘âina (land).

Oliver shared that he enjoyed an entire summer when he was a kid without wearing shoes (he also slept outdoors every night of that summer). What a “vacation” that must have been, although he said that he wasn’t allowed to go to a lot of places like movie theaters.

On the walk, I started getting jabbed by tons of tiny sharp rocks. Oliver said, “try to relax your feet as much as possible. Let them be soft in knowing that the rocks probably won’t pierce all the way through the skin.” This helped immensely.

feetWhat a wonderful metaphor for dealing with others. What if we just relaxed when people verbally attack us, knowing that they won’t pierce our sole/soul? I immediately put this into practice when we passed an older couple. The woman’s jaw dropped when she noticed that we weren’t wearing shoes. When I smiled and said hello, she wrinkled up her face without returning the salutation.

Normally, this type of judgement would chap my skin, but I just relaxed and let it poke for an instant, knowing that it couldn’t touch the love and interconnection at the seat of our soul. I could almost feel love for this woman. She was suffering in judgement–her face was contorted and she refused the friendliness of two open-hearted strangers.

Oliver and I plan to keep hiking barefoot. I plan to keep relaxing into rocky relationships with love.

cloudsAt the end of the walk, Oliver washed my feet under a faucet. It was an endearing and memorable gesture. So grateful for the beautiful souls that have chosen to walk this path with me.


I’m going pretty raw, except for oatmeal. I’m also trying to sense into the natural urges in my body. For example, I had the urge/thought for figs. The only figs I could find at the farmer’s market were dried mission figs. Dried fruit is a no no on the cancer diet since it has so much concentrated sugar.

I decided to honor my craving and later found out that figs contain a cancer-fighting compound called psoralen. I eat these figs with fresh raw organic walnuts that also have been shown to decrease colon tumor growth. So maybe my body was trying to tell me something with this craving.


Had a full day with morning prayers, exercises and hiking barefoot. I feel so much better when I do my full regimen of morning prayers and movements outdoors. I also did qigong walking.


I’m finding it challenging when I have to deal with people who still see me as I was in the past. They don’t seem to see the me of the present. I know I have to let go of this feeling of injustice. So many of my friends see and love who I am now. It just stings when family members can’t or refuse to be present with me.


Clearing very subtle emotions and injuries. Learning to stay relaxed when being poked, knowing that my soul will always be intact.

Kūkae (BM)

The bleeding has come back, although it is a different form. Seems like my bloody BMs are more heavy, coagulated sediment rather than liquid blood.

I’m also aware that the moon is almost a new moon, so bleeding might reflect that.