Unrequited Love–Unfulfilling Sex

The amazing Rarasaur is hosting the Weekly Writing Challenge at WordPress with this prompt:

This week, we’re asking you to consider things from a different point of view — to walk a mile in someone’s shoes. Leave your moccasins and bunny slippers at the door, and tell us a tale from a fully-immersed perspective that is not your own.

Rara also did an interview at You’ve Been Hooked where she advises us to “be brave” in order to be a successful blogger. So here is my brave submission to the Weekly Writing Challenge. This is me empathizing with two young lovers.

Him Her
Man, she’s hot. I’d like to have her for one night. He’s cute. I’d love to get to know him better over the next few months.
The boys will think I’m a stud if I had sex with her. The girls will be so jealous if he were my boyfriend.
She seems kind. Maybe she won’t ridicule me if I mess up in bed. He seems kind. Maybe he will treat me well.
If I tell her I love her, maybe she will sleep with me. He said he loved me. I must be special.
She looked in my eyes. I hope she didn’t see the real me. He looked into my eyes. I hope he sees the real me.
I’m naked. I wonder if she thinks I’m too small. I’m naked. I wonder if he thinks I’m too big.
Since I can’t get love, I’ll settle for an orgasm. Since I can’t orgasm, I’ll settle for a little love.
Did I come too soon? Was I too innocent/dirty/wild/demure/loud/quiet?
I wonder if she liked it? I hope he liked it?
I hope no one finds out about this. I hope no one finds out about this.
I feel so inadequate. I gotta get out of here. He is leaving. Was I inadequate?
Why do I keep doing this? Why do I keep doing this?
I’m such an idiot. I’m such an idiot.
Will I ever find someone to love me? Will I ever find someone to love?

I really want to know what you think of this post. Do you find sex confusing? Are you unable to empathize with the opposite sex about sex? Is my portrayal completely off base? Please Share.

Other entries from Rara’s Challenge:

On the River: http://teepee12.com/2014/01/28/on-the-river/

Inside the Head of a Sporadic Three Year Old: http://onesahmscrazylife.wordpress.com/2014/01/27/inside-the-head-of-a-sporadic-three-year-old/

Fifteen Year Old Me is Disgusted: http://thecheesewhines.wordpress.com/2014/01/27/fifteen-year-old-me-is-disgusted/

How to wring compassion out of your child

IMG_0824My 6 year old son wants to quit his Kung Fu class. Last time I drove him to the Kung Fu studio, he threw a tantrum and wouldn’t get out of the car.

I threatened him by explaining how he would not get Christmas or Birthday presents for 5 years to pay off the non-refundable tuition we paid for the whole year.

I shamed him by telling his younger brother what a big boy he was for not “crying like a baby,” even though I am reading Brene Brown’s research on the horrible consequences of shaming.

You see, my son cries more than any child I know. If you mix his eggs with too much soy sauce, he cries. If someone closes the door to his room at night, he cries. If you don’t put enough toothpaste on his toothbrush, he cries. All this crying drove me crazy until I realized why. Continue reading

Weekly Photo Challenge: Resolved

“Meditation elevates the soul from the body, mind, and intellect to absolute peace and bliss.”–Amma

young boy meditating

This year I resolve to will sit in meditation for at least 30 minutes everyday for the entire year. (#sit365) I have been sitting everyday for about 40 minutes for the last 5 months and have seen tremendous changes in my life. I can’t imagine what the effects of 17 months of daily meditation will be.

“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him” Psalms 37:7

One of the surprising side-effects of this daily practice has been the introduction of meditation to my sons. Although they won’t sit with me for 40 minutes, they do understand that Daddy has to meditate everyday. Rather than ask, “Daddy, will you sleep with me?” my two year old commands, “Daddy med-tate by my bed.” Continue reading

A Means to Survive: A Justification for Blogging

I love my wife to death. She is part of an inner circle club that has only ever had two members: me and her. She loves and accepts me with all my flaws, inadequacies, and mistakes. She is quite literally a part of me.0062

Maybe it is because of the tragic events that occurred earlier this month. Maybe it is because I study Buddhism (Bad Buddhist joke: Why did the Buddhist doctor get fired? Because he put down “birth” every time he had to answer “Cause of Death.”). Maybe it is because I am trying to be more empathetic with those who are grieving, but I have been thinking about what it would be like to lose the most significant bond I have made.

What would I do? Who would I turn to? How would I survive? Continue reading

Wouldn’t it be great if Peace went Viral?

Sent this tweet this morning, but then I went to check out #Peace and found that most tweets about peace looked like this:

This reminds me of when Bono, the lead singer of the band U2, introduced U2′s cover of the song “Helter Skelter”: “This is a song Charles Manson stole from the Beatles; we’re stealing it back.” I say we steal #Peace back. Continue reading

Action/Reaction: Failure in 2012 and What to Do About It

Hot-Oil-fire

“You will not be judged on what people do to you, but how you react.”–Anonymous

On my bad days, I react to events like water poured on boiling oil, burning everyone in sight, even those trying to help.  You could say I have an itchy trigger finger, ready to attack anything that provokes me with my semi-automatic tongue.

One of the reasons I practice meditation every day is to become aware of exactly when my “fire” ignites. If I can catch a negative reaction when it is just one thought, I can extinguish it before my anger and frustration create a three alarm catastrophe. Like a single matchstick, it is easy to blow out a negative thought with a smile or a breath of gratitude. This practice has quadrupled the number of happy moments I experience daily and changed the course of my life.

But after reading the posts by Mirth and Motivation and Professions for PEACE in response to the Newtown  shooting, I realized that simply responding to external events is not good enough. Continue reading

Interview with a Blogging Guru: Rarasaur

rarasaur-icon“I’d like them to say I was necessary for the moment of time I shared with them.”–Rarasaur

Not since Jurassic Park have there been so many dino sightings thanks to the ubiquitous Rarasaur on the blogosphere. With one of the fastest growing followings since the Beatles, the Freshly Pressed Rarasaur has captured the hearts of bloggers around the world. But what most impresses me about this 27 year old SoCal blogger is NOT her tireless productivity (posts everyday, reads/comments/likes almost everything all her followers post, NaNoWriMo winner, 9 to 5 “real” job) or her International Speed Reading skills (150 pages/hour), but her selfless generosity. Continue reading

Prison Awakening

prison-letter-300x206

I originally wrote this fictional epistolary piece for the DPChallenge: Shift Your Perspective, until I re-read the challenge and found out that you had to write about blogging. I decided to post this story anyway after reading Professions for Peace’s posts about forgiveness and stumbling and Tracy’s post about letting go. I also think it applies to Mirth and Motivation’s post FOCUS: PEACE. I apologize for any offensive language; I was trying to portray the character as realistically as possible. 

Dear Edward,

I hope this letter finds you well. I know we haven’t spoken in sometime now, but I recently heard about your incarceration and I wanted to reach out to you. I know everything about the case, and I wanted you to know that I still love you. I will help watch over your kids until you get out.

If you want to write back, here is my new address:

Grace Osborne-Dufresne
199 E. Pearl Ave Gate #7
Harmony, Ca 93435

Hoping to hear from you,
Grace Continue reading