Aloha Healing 9/25/2015

waxing gibous 90Akua
Māhoe Hope 25

Had an amazing healing session with Roma Hammel today.

Roma is an expert of embodied realization. She has trained with Judith Blackstone who put Roma in charge of her Esalen retreat.

Roma has always noticed how I like to lift out of my body. When she guided me to open my heart chakra, I felt the light immediately go to the tops of my hands and my head like a halo. Roma asked me what emotion I felt when I lifted out my body. I used to think that I just wanted to ascend to higher consciousness, but I realized that this movement stemmed from fear, to feeling unsafe. I just wanted to escape.

I became conscious of how I often ignore my lower body and backside. Roma must have sense this as well because she told me to inhabit my feet as if my head or mind dropped down into my feet. We sensed into all parts of each foot–the toes, the outer and inner edge, the heel, and the arch. I noticed that my left heel was a bit numb and raised which brought back the memory of stepping on wana (sea urchin) when I was a kid in Hawaii. My grandfather told my brother and cousin to pee in a bucket that I would stick my foot in. It was a painful, traumatic, and embarrassing experience. When I released this memory, my heel “came back to life.”

I then released memories of wearing restrictive shoes to correct my knees as a child. Every trauma I released brought more life into my feet. They felt more aware and sensitive. Joy also emanated from every cell in my feet.

Roma instructed me to move up the legs, focusing on keeping the weight underside. When we got to the okole (butt), I felt a tightening of my genitals. A memory of having the tentacle of a jelly fish get stuck in my swim trunks arose. When I was about nine, my whole genital area was stung by this trapped jelly fish.

I also had the memory of getting a really bad heat rash on my penis while in Hawaii. My grandmother would have to put hydrocortisone on my penis which felt soothing, but also awkward. My Hawaiian grandfather also took me to his doctor friend who gave me several injections of penicillin every week for the rash.

Releasing all these traumatic experiences helped me inhabit my genitals again. I felt them soften and grow, rather than tense and contract. I was aware that this area was close to my rectum where the tumor is supposed to be, so I started to relax the whole area, especially the perineum.

babyWhen I shared this with Roma, she gave me the adorable image of a naked baby lying on its back with its feet and knees in the air. “When the baby breaths, its perineum expands and contracts with each breath.” I ballooned my perineum as I breathed in and let it contract as I breathed out. It felt like I was nurturing this sensitive area like a little baby again.

As i loosened my perineum, a saying popped into my head: “tighten your sphincter.” We used to say this in surfing and snowboarding when confronted with fear. Fear in my genitals, perineum, and root chakra were making me tighten my sphincter which trapped in negative energy. It makes complete sense that I got a tumor in my rectum. Now I just have to relax my sphincter and let out all the kūkae (crap) from the past.

We moved around the pubic bone to the tail bone and the sacrum. When we got to the sacrum, I felt locked. Roma shared that my energy field contracted around the sacrum. She said that when our energy contracts we not only get locked up, but also open ourselves to other people’s emotions and energies. A few weeks earlier, Leyna said that I had a gap in my energetic field on my backside.

As I tried to re-invigorate the sacrum, it occurred to me that this is the area that my step father would whip me with a belt. The same fear and lack of safety feelings arose again. I breathed into the area and tried to reclaim them with warmth and love, but I kept feeling myself rising up out of my body, as If I was trying to escape the beatings.

Roma put her hands up and said firmly, “NO!” I followed suit, put my hands up, and yelled, “No!” over and over again. Finally, I screamed, “Stop!” with my hands up, as if I was saying stop the violence. I felt my sacrum loosen a little.

After working in this area for some time, Roma said that she wanted to try one more thing. She wanted to reprogram the ideal mother into my body. She asked me to describe my ideal mother.

The PietaImmediately the image of a mother cradling my head and stroking my forehead that I had experienced with Giovanni in Hawaii appeared. The ideal mother was saying, “my son, my son,” which brought back flashes of my friend Preeta sharing her experience in Rome with The Pieta. Tears flowed down my cheeks.

I told Roma that the ideal mother would be saying, “I love you, my son.” Thinking of Jesus and The Pieta, I said that she might say, “Although I can’t always protect you, I will always love you.”

Roma stopped me and said, “Jesus was a man. You were a child. I don’t think the ideal mother would say that. What would the ideal mother say?”

I put one hand up while still cradling with my other hand and yelled, “NO!”

“Yes,” Roma added. “Never again! If you lay one more finger on this child you will never see us again. Get out. Leave. Don’t you dare touch this child.”

“Like a mama bear,” I sobbed.

“Like a mama bear,” Roma said. “Feel the power of a mama bear.”

As I visualized the mama bear in the Disney documentary Bears that I had taken Fox to see earlier this year, I felt my sacrum releasing. I finally felt safe, loved, and cared for.

When I put my hands in prayer position to my forehead to thank Roma for this powerful healing, I felt waves of sadness pour out of me. It felt like an archetypal catharsis.

I shared with Roma that my step father used to beat my mother, but at one point she told him that if he ever hit her again, she would leave forever. He never hit her again.

“Why didn’t she do the same for me?” I asked. “She had the power, but she chose to let me continue to get beaten.”

“That is so wrong, Kozo. That is your mother’s karma. The ideal mother would never chose her own safety over that of her child,” Roma shared.

So grateful for Roma who gifted me these healing sessions. I also received surprise gifts from the Bock family. I did hospice care for Trudi Bock until she passed away this past spring. My dear friend Oliver Bock gave me a check for $500 today. His brother decided to give a gift to some of the caregivers.

Oliver also gave me a bag of Moringa powder that is suppose to cure everything. Amazing how the Universe provides exactly what we need, when we need it.


Had lunch with Oliver at Lyfe in Palo Alto. Had Red Thai Curry with tofu. Not exactly raw vegan, but I was being gentle with myself after the powerful healing in the morning.

My qigong master, Joe, who lives with Roma, really urged me to take the soft-shell turtle soup. Roma said that in 26 years she had seen Joe cure many people of cancer, including his own son who was given a few months to live. Joe worked together with an oncologist at Stanford to cure his son who has been cancer free since 2005.

I’m going to honor Joe’s expertise and persistence and take the soft shell turtle soup. He also said to soak the shells in vinegar over night, bake them until they are crispy the next day, and pound them into powder that I can consume everyday. I let everyone know how this works out.


Got a full 8 hours of sleep. Did prayers, but no movements this morning because I had to drop boys off at school and quickly get to Roma’s house.

I’m not sure if it was from the sleep or the moringa, but I had energy all day today.


I feel more at rest with my relationship with my mother. I still want to talk to her, but I feel like I can heal without her apology, explanation, or consent.


I’m grateful for all the angels, friends, and helpers who are sharing wisdom, generosity, and love with me everyday. So grateful.

I’m also realizing that cancer is a very small part of the healing that is going on. The tumor was actually just a catalyst for real spiritual healing that I needed to do in this lifetime. I tended to focus all my attention on this one popular dis-ease, but the truth is that it is just a very small bodily manifestation. The deeper wounds are spiritual, energetic, archetypal.

Kūkae (BM)

Again, lots of blood. I’m trying to stay sincerely curious without being judgmental.

Aloha Healing 9/23/2015

waxing gibbous

Māhoe Hope 23

On this fall equinox, I had everything purged out of my colon. Woke up multiple times in the night to use the lua (toilet), then had huge BMs all day long. Not sure what catalyzed this purging. Could have been the daikon rice I ate or the fact that I started drinking 10.5 ph kangen water.

Also, on this day of transitions, we pulled Jett and Fox out of the Chinese immersion school they were attending and put them in neighborhood elementary school. It was a tough change for everyone. We got into the immersion school through a lottery, so we were giving up our coveted space to attend a local public school.

Eight year old Jett grieved last night about the loss of his friends: “I will never see them again.” This morning we all walked onto the clean, bright campus and met friendly new teachers and administrators. Fox’s kindergarten teacher looked like a kindergarten teacher–all smiles and hugs.

When I entered Jett’s classroom, I knew we were at the right place. There was a large poster that read, “I don’t know yet!” This is the non-judgmental curiosity that I felt was being squeezed out of my sons at the other school. Both Jett and Fox like their new school, teachers, and friends. Jett had 10 minutes of homework to do–what a change! We also learned that they get twice as much P.E. here, as well as art and music classes.

I feel like we all released a lot of kūkae (crap) today. Feeling much lighter and peaceful now.


Made raw veggie fettuccine with parsnip noodles and macadamia nut cream sauce. Not bad. I’m also adding a quart of carrot juice per day to my diet/treatment. In addition, I plan to eat 6 frozen grated lemons per day. Serendipitously, my mom forwarded me an email about eating frozen lemons today after I decided that I was going to add this treatment to my daily diet.


Woke up late since my sleep was interrupted so much last night, so I missed morning movements. After dropping the boys off, I walked around in the sunshine for half an hour before heading off to work.


My relationship with the Cupertino Union School district feels more peaceful. I feel grateful that that Jett and Fox are in a school that prioritizes curiosity, happiness, and kindness.

the transfigurationSpirituality

Spent the whole time at Awakin Circle meditation visualizing a heavenly wailele (waterfall) penetrating my crown chakra and cleansing my entire body down to the bowels. I sensed into another image of a huge Divine waterfall cleansing all of humanity like Jesus in the transfiguration. It felt like grace.

The connections to baptism are obvious. I just need to open myself to grace that will cleanse this kūkae out of my being.

Having said that, I’m reminded of a Muslim saying: “Trust in Allah, but tie up your camel.” I’m going to trust in grace, but also keep up with my veggie diet and treatments.

Kūkae (BM)

Amazed at how much I expelled today. A major portion of the BMs didn’t have blood, although still had blood/sediment both last night and during the day today.

Richard Rohr: The Compassion Interviews

The Compassion Interviews is a project of mine at I am trying to interview the most compassionate people I can find to supplement the lack of compassionate role models in the media. With 10 interviews completed, I have to say that this project has changed my life. I’m realizing that compassion is the key to not only happiness, but also success and peace.

Father Richard Rohr is a Franciscan friar and blogger for the Huffington Post. Author of over 30 books including Falling Upward and From Wild Man to Wise Man, Father Rohr has spoken around the world about Christian contemplative practices, male spirituality, radical compassion, and silence. He is founder of the Center for Action and Contemplation in Albuquerque, New Mexico.
In this interview we discuss:

  • How we cannot just wish to be compassionate
  • How to enjoy life by experiencing it at depth
  • How technology can be an instrument for our liberation
  • Why now more than ever wise elders are needed
  • How powerlessness leads to real power
  • The six big issues that the dualistic mind cannot process or deal with—love, death, suffering, infinity, God, and sex
  • How Scripture supports Christ as a meditator

Doing the Best That I Can for Peace

In all truthfulness, my intention is to become fully enlightened in this lifetime. I know what some of you are thinking because I have heard it expressed to my face and behind my back. Who does this guy think he is? Get Real. Why don’t you try for something obtainable?

Why is it OK to have intentions to be a billionaire, but when someone has intentions to become self-actualized we scoff or judge them as delusional, self-indulgent, or presumptuous? I’ve even had people tell me, ‘Yes, that is a noble goal, Kozo, but how are you going to support yourself?”

Since its December, I keep thinking about George Bailey from It’s a Wonderful Life. I like to think that if you were a truly authentic, loving, compassionate person then the world would support you in times of need.  Moreover, you would change the world just by BEING more than a billionaire could DO with all their money. If we look at all the great gifts to humanity, very few of them come in the form of money–Christ on the Cross, Buddha’s teachings, Mandela’s unification of South Africa, MLK’s dream, Gandhi’s ahimsa, Mother Teresa’s service, Joan of Arc’s sacrifice, Emerson’s writings, Shakespeare’s plays, Chief Seattle’s warning, Bob Marley’s music. Note how many of these enlightened beings were living for a higher consciousness/power.

Be the change you wish to see in the world.”~Gandhi

I may not become fully enlightened in this lifetime, but I can already say that becoming more loving, compassionate, peaceful, and equanimous have already made changes in my life, my relationships, my community, and, yes, our world.

I was talking to a friend who said that she doesn’t want to be happy all the time. She believes that anger is necessary to cure the injustices of the world. I could feel her desire to make the world a better place, but I had to question her strategy. A few quotes come to mind.

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”~MLK

“An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind.”~Gandhi

My intention is to bring peace just like Martin Luther King, Gandhi, Buddha, and Jesus. Yes, I said it. I want to be a peacemaker like these great figures from our past. Call me egotistical (although part of becoming enlightened requires dissolution of the ego, so I guess that problem will fix itself) or delusional (all these peacemakers were called delusional at some point in their lives).

I know a lot of kids who want to be LeBron James, Tiger Woods, Bill Gates, Oprah, or Steve Jobs. Their parents smile and encourage these aspirations. I hope my two sons want to be the Buddha, Jesus (although being the parent of Jesus might be the toughest role in history), Mother Teresa, Gandhi, Martin Luther King, or the Dalai Lama. They may never be recognized as great spiritual leaders, but imagine the loving and compassionate men they will become if they become one-tenth as awakened as their role models.

Thank you for reading, smiling, and/or sharing.

What are your intentions for your life? Please share.

Blogging to Self-Actualization

I’m shifting my perspective on blogging. The reason I started blogging was to build a platform for my writing and counseling services. Yet after blogging for over a year, I’m starting to realize that blogging has more important lessons for me to learn.

Wayne Dyer once interviewed Abraham Maslow about self-actualization. Maslow gave four characteristics of self-actualized people:

  1. Independent of the good opinion of other people
  2. Detached from outcome
  3. No investment in power or control of others
  4. See the unfolding of God in everyone they encounter and treating them that way

I can’t think of more noble characteristics, so I’m going to start blogging for self-actualization.

  1. I’m going to publish authentic and radically honest posts that are free from the fear of how others will judge or praise. I’m going to eliminate any fluff or rhetoric that is meant to cater to others wants, desires, or tastes.
  2. I’m going to give up all attachment to outcome. I have no idea of what my blogging will bring me in life. I have no idea if I will ever make any money from blogging. I blog simply because that is what I do.
  3. I’m going to give up any power or control I’m holding onto in relation to others. This comes in the form of judging other bloggers or writers. Comparing myself with others. Being jealous of others success as bloggers, counselors, writers, spiritual leaders, etc.
  4. I’m going to treat everyone who I encounter on the internet and in real life as a manifestation of God. Like Mother Teresa who saw Jesus in everyone she met, I will see the Christ Consciousness and Buddha Nature in everyone and treat them in the same way I would treat Christ and Buddha, with dignity, respect, and gratitude.

I realize that there are a lot of “I”s in the previous paragraphs–certainly some ego to be dealt with. On the other hand, I like the intentions and personal responsibility of these new resolutions–do I dare call them covenants?

Thank you for reading, smiling, and/or sharing.

Do you blog for a higher purpose? Please share.

Christ’s Mass with Adyashanti

This weekend I attended Adyashanti’s Christmas Intensive. It was a very intimate event with singing, poetry, satsangs, and hugs from Adya.

The main topic of Adya’s talks was the Christ story. Adya sees the Christ life as a teaching, as a model of a very special kind of love–redemptive love.

“For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son”

This is the type of love we are talking about. A love that will sacrifice one’s only son to not only death, but brutal, torturous death through suffering. As a father, I have a hard time even thinking about this type of love, which makes it all the more divine.

At the Last Supper, when Jesus tells his disciples, “As I have loved you, so you must love one another,” this is the type of love that he is asking for. A love that does not transcend suffering, but rather embraces it in it’s entirety. A love willing to sacrifice to redeem others.

This selfless love is the way to God, Nirvana, or, in modern terms, Happiness.

“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.

If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”~Dalai Lama

I know it is not New Year’s Resolution time yet, but I am resolving today to start abiding in this type of love. If Jesus could let himself be tortured and crucified, if Buddha could starve himself then sit under a tree all night, if the Dalai Lama can sit in meditation for 4 hours everyday to cultivate compassion for the world, then I think I can start sacrificing for those I love. I can stop reacting to the attacks of others with ill will and retaliation. I can love beyond my own egoic needs and desires.

I hope you get to experience this type of love this holiday season. Have a Happy Holidays.

Love, Kozo

“Let us abide in a humble and loving heart. Never forsaking the Divine knowledge beyond all distinction, nor the infinitely loving heart of God which is our own.”~Adyashanti



Monthly Peace Challenge: Party On, Garth!


Hurray! This is the last challenge of the year. Those of you who have been here since January have one more post to get your FREE B4Peace T-Shirt! I will continue posting challenges next year for a different prize (to be determined), but this challenge ends an incredible first year of Bloggers for Peace. Before I give you the challenge, I want to thank everyone who participated in B4Peace this year. I can honestly say that you brought more peace in my life which means you brought more peace in the world. Special thanks to Rarasaur who designed the B4Peace logos, badges, and T-shirt (hint, hint).

After last months challenge of loving thy enemy, I want to give you a party.  So this months challenge is to plan a party that will ripple peace to the world. Use everything in your imagination for this peace party. Here are a few ideas:

  • You can hold your party anywhere. Where would you host your peace party? How many people would be at the party?
  • You can invite any guest you want from the past, present, or future. Who will play music at the party? Who will contribute artwork for the party? Who will give speeches?
  • What food can you serve that would bring peace in its consumption?
  • What about a group activity at your party? Would you have everyone at the party participate in one action for peace?
  • Feel free to use images, videos, or music in your post to give others the idea of what your party would be like.
  • What combination of events, people, and place would bring about the most peace at your party? What if you had Bob Dylan perform a duet with Ysuf Islam (formerly Cat Stevens)? What if you had a panel on compassion featuring Jesus, the Buddha, Muhammad, and Mother Teresa? Let your imagination run wild for peace.
  • What would you have at your party that would bring more joy, smiles, love, and peace into the world?

Don’t forget to link to at least one other B4Peace post and add your post to the Linkz collection. Here is how:

  • Copy your URL to the Linkz collection. You’ll find the link below. It’s the drunk blue frog smiling for peace. Click on it and follow directions.
  • Go visit this site to read and comment on other posts related to this Monthly Peace Challenge.